A sister reached out to me last week, complaining about how her husband is very serious with his work and would not take chances with his job. She thinks he works too hard and would choose his work over his family anytime there was a conflict in his schedule. I thought about the whole thing for a long time, pondered on the issue and the possible solution. And came up with the following;
- INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES: These are two different people with two different backgrounds, two different zodiac signs, two different desires, two different needs and more, who have come together to become ONE. Being ONE is a task that is literally beyond us, only God makes us ONE in all things. One person is into family, the other person into his/her work. And I realized that our complaints especially of our partners, are because THEY ARE NOT LIKE US. We want them to be like us, think like us, act like us, love the things we love, follow our own codes of conduct. But what if they think exactly the same way about you- that you are not like them? No two persons are alike, it makes sense to understand that we have different roles to play in life and in our marriages, so we should respect the other person’s role and place, and not want to force them to do the things you like. Instead of complaining about the problem, state YOUR NEEDS.
- FULFILLMENT: For her, being with her family fulfills her and for him having a headway in his career fulfills him. It is what it is, we cannot and should not take that away from people. I say all the time that the LORD has not given us the manual to our spouses, but maybe He has- in our zodiac signs. How many times have we taken the time to read about the signs of our loved ones. I read about mine; TAURUS last week and I was blown away about how accurate the chart was. I read that of my husband- PISCES and it made me understand why he acts the way he acts. And so that has given me an idea of what his weaknesses and strengths are. I read about Virgo, Aries and Capricorn and realized that the Capricorns are the workaholics. It is in their DNA, it is their nature. When it is time for family they are with family and when it is time for work, they are at work and nothing can change that because they find fulfillment in their work. Yes they love their loved ones but they also love their work. You, as a spouse should get to KNOW your spouse and UNDERSTAND them first before complaining about what they are doing and what they are not doing.
- BALANCE WILL ALWAYS REMAIN KEY: In whatever and wherever we find fulfillment, it is important that we do not let other things suffer- our families should not suffer, our health should not suffer, our friends should not suffer, our careers should not suffer. Being able to balance our daily routines as much as possible gives us peace of mind. Because yes, you might love your work and your wife or husband might understand that, but you do not want to make your wife or husband feel unfulfilled by marrying you, because they can. Many divorces have happened because the partners did not feel that sense of fulfillment in the partner they walked down the aisle with. So no matter where you are and in all that you do, within all that you love, remember that BALANCE is key.
Live a life that gives you deep fulfillment but NEVER leave a chance to regret. Make choices that would leave you GRATEFUL not REGRETFUL. Be true, be real and be sincere always. May your week be blessed.
Assignment: Take the time this week to read all about your partner’s zodiac sign.
Thank you for reading. God bless you.
Vincent was taking a walk, enjoying the cool evening breeze. The sun was almost setting and he was truly grateful for how far he had come in his life. He looked across from where he was and saw a young beautiful lady struggling with her bags. She seemed like she had just gotten off work, branched the store to get some items for the house and upon getting home, she had to struggle through her bags to get the front door keys. Vincent’s first thought, was to go and help her with those bags and relieve her of her stressful situation, which he did. He walked to her and offered to help her hold her bags as she did not think it wise to put them on the floor. Her smiles and gratitude stole his heart immediately.
As time went on they started to date, nothing mattered to them but the love they felt for each other. They felt like they could not live without each other. Every minute spent away from the other seemed like eternity. They made up their minds to get married so that they can be with each other as often as they could and love each other without limitations.
Then they came face to face with childlessness. That was their own marital cross to bear. Helen could not bear the thought of not being able to mother a child. They kept on visiting the hospitals for hope and the hospital kept telling them there was nothing wrong with both of them. All they had to do was wait for God’s time. Helen started to feel depressed, especially when she saw her school mates with their own children. Her depression felt worse day after day. The more she was invited for a baby shower the more into herself and detached from reality she was. Her relationship with Vincent took a different turn. They spoke less, they touched each other less, they spent lesser time with each other. Everyone buried his or her head in their own work and spent more time with other family members and friends.
After awhile, Vincent could not take it any longer. He wanted happiness, he wanted to feel love, he wanted someone to see him and not the problems. His attempts to help them see a therapist so as to save their marriage proved abortive. And so he filed for divorce. Their love no longer mattered, what Helen did not have did. What Vincent could not have mattered. They both lost hope in the love they once shared.
When both Vincent and Helen met, there was no problem, even if they did not have enough money nor had children, they loved each other freely and completely IRRESPECTIVE OF WHAT THEY DID NOT HAVE. So why allow what you don’t have steal away what you have been blessed with? Why allow the problems created by the world ruin your relationship? Why allow lack ruin your marriage? Why can’t we all LOVE through all our shortcomings and inadequacies? Marriage makes sense when we can LOVE ABOVE what we do not have, love above what we cannot afford, love above what others think, love above how the world wants you to love, love above your finances, love above your sexuality. Because you are lifted far above all the worldly status, you are more important than gains and achievement. You are far above what and who the world says you should be.
It is easy to say my marriage is beautiful if you have it all in place, but what if you do not have it all in place, will you still have a beautiful marriage?
The goal for the week is that you LOVE ABOVE ALL YOUR STRUGGLES. Remain blessed. ♥♥
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