Prepare for the marriage NOT the wedding celebrations.


When I was growing up I placed more importance on things that were not important and abandoned the most important things. I chose my friends anyhow because I thought I was okay I could mingle with anyone and not be influenced by them. I was a hard worker but did not care, would throw in the towel when things were not going the way I had hoped it would and more, I ran virtually from everyone and everything. I lived my life thoughtlessly. I lived my life un-seriously. I chose worldliness instead of my spirituality. And I carried that mentality into my marriage.

Before I got married, I did not bother to go for marriage seminars, did not bother to read different books on marriage, did not listen to any audio tape. I did not pay attention to the teachings on marriage in church and during the counseling sessions (I did it to just fulfill righteousness). I did not spend anytime getting to know WHAT TO DO in a marriage.

Then it was time to get married. Funny enough, I met someone (my husband) who did not get lessons too (any wonder, since we attract who we are). We were all about making the wedding the best. We got the best wedding hall at that time, the caterer and drinks were all great, my dress, my ring, we spent some money on those things. We thought of calling WASIU (a great Nigerian yoruba musician) but did not have his fee, he was too pricey, so we settled for ADEWALE AYUBA, thank the Lord we did not use him too eventually.We wanted to show off (for who? if  you must ask me, I have no idea).  I remembered my dad telling me,” Toyin, you don’t need all these things, you don’t need to spend this much”. But all he said fell on deaf ears. I kept saying ”daddy we only get married once in life, let’s do it well”. 

The wedding was beautiful, everything was great except for the make-up artist who did no make-up at all (she did nonsense and called herself a make-up artist. I have since forgiven her, I hold no grudge, but come-on now, it was a wedding! LOL).

The after- wedding life began for REAL- no more people to cheer us on, no families, no friends, everybody ate the rice and went back to their own homes and problems. And it dawned on us that we were facing real life situations here, alone. This is no longer a relationship that I could run out of if things were not going the way I had hoped. It was difficult at first for my hubby and I and trust me, we both regretted all the money we wasted on our wedding day. We say it till this day, if we had another chance, it would be just us and our immediate family members. We have learnt to stress more on making the marriage a beautiful one than making the wedding a beautiful one, which should have been our initial goal. All the money spent should have gone into our personal growth.

For those who are yet to get married, spend time acquiring knowledge on how to be a great wife and husband, how to handle difficult situations especially in anger, how to react and act towards everyone and yourself. Learn how to handle your finances together as a couple.  Learn how to see yourself and love yourself so that you function as your divine self. Learn how to treat your in-laws with love and respect even with all their shortcomings. Learn what LOVE really is and more.

I must tell you my friends, the Lord intervened even before I knew what I was getting myself into. My husband has a heart of gold and even if I walked into my marriage without fully knowing what I was getting myself into, the Lord saved me a good man. He cared that much for me to give me a loving and caring man. The Lord taught me how to get rid of my ego-based beliefs (some lies we were made to believe while growing up) that was affecting my marriage then.

 Please do yourself a favor and learn now, walk on the right path and save yourself unnecessary headache later. Invest your time and money now for your future. Go to marriage seminars, listen well in church, buy books, buy audio tapes, don’t wait till you are married to get all these things. GET THEM NOW. God bless you all. Thanks for reading.


Thank you all for reading. I appreciate your visiting the blog. Please feel free to leave your comments and follow our blog. Do you have an experience that people could learn from? Please send your story to

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